Thursday, March 27, 2008

Countdown

I'll be going back to work in two weeks and three days.

Irrational fears and anxiety are starting to kick in.

How can I leave my le Petit? Taking care of him twenty-four seven seems so much more important than taming computer code for a living. At the moment I am unable to see the positive side, and all I feel awaits me is a gaggle of whiny colleagues and an hour plus commute. What did I ever see in this job?

I instinctively feel that letting go and trusting that he will be safe in the greater world is important. I need to trust that there is someone else who can be a substitute for me, at least during the nine hours of my working days. Why is this so hard? And when will it get easier?

I'll give it a month. Forty days. After that, we'll see, I'll reevaluate, and perhaps, just perhaps, give myself the space to change my mind.

1 comment:

Inki said...

Oh, I so feel for you! It IS hard to leave your baby with someone else, especially after you have had all this time to bond and get a feeling for the "new normal".

I wish you all the luck in the world in going back to work - I think a trial period is wise. You may find that you love having some grown-up time or that you miss him too much to continue, but either way, you have explored the option and can make an informed decision.