Friday, November 09, 2007

Snuggle

I remember the first weeks, when I couldn't get le Petit to sleep at night without holding him in my arms. I dreaded bedtime. I thought I was going crazy with lack of sleep, and I sleepwalked through my days, not entirely believing it would ever get any better.

I remember sitting up in bed listening to le Petit's soft breathing and my husband's snoring, wondering why I was the only one awake at four a.m.

I remember getting so annoyed that it took up to two hours to put le Petit to bed that I'd read by flashlight while holding him, just to keep from dwelling on my irritation.

Everyone told me it would change, and I didn't believe it. I read of and talked to mothers who claimed they missed the hours spent nursing and comforting their babies to sleep, or cuddling them during the night. I thought they were completely nuts.

Now, it takes an hour to put le Petit to bed, and it's an hour I cherish. It's an hour I get to spend in the velvet near-darkness of our bedroom, my back propped up against the headboard with a pile of pillows, le Petit a delicious weight in my lap. I still try to put him down awake, but as that rarely works, I usually end up walking him, singing to him, and eventually nursing him to sleep.

One day this week I found myself at the other end of town rushing to a supermarket before it closed to buy diapers. I called my husband, who was looking after le Petit while I was out, and learned the two of them were having a blast together without me. It was already dark, and I thought, it will soon be le Petit's bedtime. I realized, surprised, that I couldn't wait to get home and coax him to sleep in my arms.

I still get frustrated when comforting le Petit means pacing our apartment endlessly, or when he wakes up immediately when I try and place him in his crib. But now I know that, even when it takes forever in the moment, this time I'm spending with him will be over all too soon. I'll take my snuggle time while I can, and appreciate it as yet another gift le Petit is giving me.

1 comment:

boshness said...

aww, how sweet. I wish you had a 'like' button, cause I sure woulda pushed it here. What a precious baby Le Petit...!

Am really enjoying your blog, have started at the beginning and reading through; it is so very heartwarming.

In addition, I like your writing style - very solid, strong, and clear, and in addition, your metaphors are original, well-placed, and _good_.